megay:

HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS IN 3 EASY STEPS

STEP 1: purposefully bump into girl(make sure you are typing into your calculator while doing this)

STEP 2: say “im sorry. i didnt you, i was taking inventory of all my lizards”

STEP 3: make sure she sees the number 42069666 on the screen

addisonisthebest:

dad: are u listening to gregorian chants

me: 

image

Typical school day

180mph:

Me: *bench presses the teacher*

Teacher: Put me down

sweatergoblin:

accidently:

this isn’t funny and it will honestly never be funny

adoption jokes aren’t fucking funny adopting a child and giving a child a better life than they ever would’ve had, had you not taken them in, is not something to joke about.

yea

idreaminwords:

That is the opening of a portal to another dimension and you cannot tell me otherwise

emma-robertsfans:

American Horror Story Freak Show : Trailer